Co-parenting is a difficult process, particularly when you also must deal with the legal issues that are part of the process of child custody. When a relationship ends, normally the contact ends too, but when there is a child involved the contact between former spouses may become increasingly difficult and the contact between them cannot end. Here are some tips for improving co-parenting, so that the process can feel somewhat less stressful.
1) Co-parent communications should be focused on the children
Once the relationship is over, the fewer details you know about your ex-partner, the better, except when it concerns the children. Unnecessary details can become a trigger for starting arguments and to create resentment. Before asking a question or discussing an issue with your ex-partner, make sure that you ask yourself if you really have a need to ask that question, or to share what you have in mind. Your old feelings for your ex-partner should not play a part in the decisions you make.
2) Make sure you are healed first
While it is important to put the child first, it is imperative to also take care of yourself. Circumstances will not improve between the individuals in a relationship if one or both have not moved on. Self-reflection is important and, if needed, therapy can be a great solution to ensure your healing. Once you are happy with yourself and do not feel anger towards your partner, co-parenting can become easier.
3) Think of your co-parent as a business partner
To have a healthy co-parenting relationship, you could try to think of your co-parent as a co-worker or business partner, to change the way you perceive your ex. That being said, do not bring up past problems and avoid discussing personal matters such as new romantic partners unless you are setting up boundaries for the child to meet the new partners.
4) Do not badmouth your co-parent
It is important to avoid speaking negatively about your co-parent, as it can hurt your children. It may teach your children to be disrespectful, make them feel as if they are in the middle of an argument and lake them feel uncomfortable hearing derogatory statements about one of their parents. Do not use your kids as messengers, as that will also make them feel like they are in the center of the conflict.
Remember to always put the child’s needs first and put aside your pride. Co-parenting can be very difficult and sometimes you may need to take a step back and relax. If you are going through the process of child custody, contact our office so we can help to make it easier for you.